This is my painted lady. I have admired these silhouettes for a while, and asked my very talented friend Emily, of Dorothy Wade Ink, to paint one for me. I just sent her some examples and she created this beauty! Her website is HERE if you would like to see more of her work! She is one of my dearest friends from college and is quite talented!

About two years ago I started working with a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. Remember trauma can be a “big T'“ or a “little t”. People usually think of trauma as a major life event, like a car accident or physical abuse etc. But did you know our bodies read big and small trauma the same way? If it felt traumatic to you, then that’s how your body processed it.

I wrote a blog post last year titled “To the Person Supporting Someone Newly Sober.” You can find it here.

I wanted to write a follow up to that post for a few reasons. There just isn’t a lot out there to help and guide the person in a supporting role to sobriety. Al-Anon is amazing and offers some great books and literature. But apart from that, I haven’t found much.

I think it’s needed. I can read a book all day long giving me information, but to hear someone else’s experience/story is just a healing balm.

“Fear is the energy that activates my character defects.”

read that one again

“Fear is the energy that activates my character defects, Sometimes my shortcomings lie dormant like a bumper-car ride with the electricity off, and I don’t even notice them. When I’m afraid, however, my fear acts like a charge that causes the cars (my defects) to start moving. I spend my mental and physical energy running in circles, trying not to get bumped or run over.”

-Courage to Change

You have so.many.questions…. I know. But you don’t feel you have the right to ask them yet. This just has to last.

The biggest one, the one that flashes through your mind a hundred times a day is “Will this last? And what if I do something that makes them drink again?”

You want to just keep things calm don’t you. You want to just make it all ok. This. Sobriety. This is what you’ve prayed for. This is what you put all your hope in.

WHY does it still feel scary? And Goodness there is pain down there that is begging to be heard- but lets just keep things calm.

I discovered this artist/author recently and I just love his work. His name is Charlie Mackesy. He never went to art school, and started as a cartoonist. His work with the boy, the mole, the horse, and the fox is enchanting, and wise, and beautiful. Elizabeth Gilbert put it this way…

“The world that I am required to inhabit is this one. But the world that I long to inhabit is the one that Charlie Mackesy has created.’ Elizabeth Gilbert

He wrote a book full of his beautiful art and these characters and it was a surprise success. It was hard to even find a copy after it’s release. His art and words are so simple, but powerful. I’ll add the amazon link to the book here.

40. I really can not believe i’m 40. Most days I feel 20, then I look around and see the 4 children that live at my house and think, no, I can’t be 20.

I had lots of friends tell me that they breezed through 40. That it’s just a number. That they LOVE their 40’s. That they were excited to be 40. That it was no big deal.

I am not one of those people. I’ve dreaded this birthday since I turned 35. I’ve tried not to think about it and pretend it wasn’t coming. But here it is.

Isn’t it funny how surprises can be a good or a bad thing?

Growing up, my family wasn’t a big surprise family. My mom is a planner and very organized and she doesn’t love surprises herself.

But I do remember the morning I turned 3. It’s so clear in my memory now almost 37 years later. I woke up, and there was a make all your dreams come true play kitchen in my room! The one that has a microwave that opens, and a sink, and a phone, and little table that pulls out, and an oven. I was so excited I squealed and ran around. My parents still talk about how much they love this memory too. (Also the Care Bears nightgown!)

It’s a word I knew almost nothing about. 

When I look back now, I had no idea I was codependent. none.

I knew there were some unhealthy dynamics going on in our marriage. And eventually I felt the stress in my physical body too. 

What is it? The Dictionary definition is this:

“excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.”

My definition is this:

“The deep down feeling in your gut that something is “off” in a relationship. You can’t shake it, others might have commented about it, and eventually, if left untouched… it’s impossible to ignore.”

I’ve experienced a broad spectrum of motherhood moments. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which basically means low estrogen and high testosterone. My body didn’t ovulate. We went through testing and clomid, and timing and counting and testing for two years. In that time, we adopted our son. When I finally got pregnant, my baby boy was only 6 months old. This is a picture of me about 2 months pregnant!

I remember growing up and never hearing about anyone going to a therapist. Or if they did, it was because something was seriously wrong. Maybe grieving a death or an addiction.

In about year 7 of our marriage, 3 kids had come in 4 years and we were feeling the stress. We started asking around about marriage counselors and honestly, it was so nice to hear that other couples went to therapy. We found one we wanted to try and I remember how nervous I was on that first visit.

But I quickly realized how helpful it was to have a 3rd party help us see things differently. It brought so much clarity and better communication. (Things you never think you’ll need when you’re newly married!)

I’ve never been more convinced that our overall health involves are body for sure, how we eat and the way we move, but also our mind and spirit. These last two can be closely related. Our mind- what we are thinking about, our attitudes, what we read and how we feed our minds. Our spirit- our gratitude, our relationships, our spiritual selves, God or Higher power or Spirit- our inner voice.