Tattoos and Therapy

I remember growing up and never hearing about anyone going to a therapist. Or if they did, it was because something was seriously wrong. Maybe grieving a death or an addiction.  

In about year seven of our marriage, 3 kids had come in 4 years and we were feeling the stress.  We started asking around about marriage counselors and honestly, it was so nice to hear that other couples went to therapy. We found one we wanted to try and I remember how nervous I was on that first visit.

But I quickly realized how helpful it was to have a 3rd party help us see things differently. It brought so much clarity and better communication.  (Things you never think you’ll need when you’re newly married!)

Fast forward…we took some time off of therapy over the next few years and would pop in after a big fight to get a “reset”.  But over the last two years, we have really committed the time and money to therapy and honestly, it’s the best way we could have invested that money.  

Currently, Daniel and I have couples therapy weekly and I meet with an individual therapist. We won’t always need to go that often, but in this season of life, it’s just what we feel we need. 

We had a couples therapy session over zoom this past week (another weird thing about covid- zoom therapy!). I had this analogy pop in my head as I was wiping away tears at the end of the session. Therapy is like getting a tattoo. It’s painful, and you kind of want slap that needle away. Then you remember that you chose this pain. And you really want the end result. But you’d like the pain to stop. And you are trusting a stranger to poke a needle in your skin. And you wonder why you chose this. But you keep going, knowing the end will be good. I have 5 tattoos. And with every one I have thought this- make it stop! But I keep going because I chose to walk into this creepy tattoo parlor and ask a stranger to inject my skin with permanent ink:) But I’m so happy in the end. I have each of my baby’s initials tattooed on my wrist. Every time I look at it, it makes me happy. I’m reminded of the 4 little lives I have been given. The 5th tattoo says “Faithful” in Hebrew and is a reminder to me of my faith and my trust in a Higher Power.

If you’re on the fence about therapy, or are just plain afraid to start, let me tell you this. I’m not sure I would be married right now without it. Actually I know I wouldn’t. I needed the help of someone else to guide me as I processed some pain in my life, and just how to communicate and live with another human. (Have you ever thought about how marriage is a funny thing? We live with someone who has different parents, life views, memories, was raised differently, and is just an overall different human than you!)

I’ve had so many life altering moments in therapy. My eyes have been opened. I’ve had clarity, I’ve had someone to just vent too and get things off my chest. I’ve accepted things I needed to change. I’ve understood more of why I think the way I think. I’ve understood Daniel more. And I’ve healed. I’ve really healed.

If you’re thinking of starting therapy, my advice is to ask someone you trust for a recommendation. Try one session. Zoom makes this so much easier now. You can literally have a therapy session from your room! If you feel a connection and feel like they are a good fit, give it a few sessions. Trust the process. Find healing. It may just change your life.