We don’t talk about it

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month. I love that this is a thing. It’s something that is just recently normalized and talked about! Therapy and counseling and mental health used to be something “we just don’t talk about”.

The words Mental Health cover so many things. But for me personally, I’ve experienced anxiety and depression related to trauma. Trauma doesn’t have to be something crazy like most of us think. Our bodies can process something as traumatic that others might not consider trauma, so remember it’s just specific to your life and your experience.

I chose this picture from 3 years ago.

My body was in a pretty constant fight or flight mode. I was stressed. I was worried. I was anxious. And I didn’t know how to handle or process any of it. My gut feels the brunt of this and my hunger drops. Our bodies actually know when we need to conserve energy, and less energy goes to digestion. I dropped weight and I remember taking this picture and looking at it and thinking “yikes”.

I’m a pretty laid back person, and I can go with the flow, be a peacemaker, make everything ok….for a while. But it caught up to me. I wasn’t dealing with things in my life that needed to be dealt with.

I was in survival mode. And you can only go so far like that.

Looking back now, I see so much. But you only know what you know at the time. I wasn’t confident enough to make changes. I was too afraid of what the changes might bring in my life. I thought I could just make it all ok. But deep down I was giving into fear, and I wasn’t seeing myself as valuable enough to draw boundaries.

I thought I could change people around me. But one of the BIGGEST things i’ve learned is you are only responsible for YOU!

As I finally got off the spinning wheel of “make it all

ok I can do this it will be fine” I slowed down enough and had to face it all. Sometimes that’s the scariest part.
Stopping the wheel.

Admitting you can’t do it. Admitting you don’t know how. And Asking for help.

I finally drew an excruciating boundary and admitted that I couldn’t control what happened next.

I started therapy.
I started looking at myself instead of blaming the circumstances.

I started Trauma therapy where I painstakingly dissected memories and moments and asked myself the hard questions, about myself, and trusted the process the therapist was leading me through.

I attended a week long program at On-site Workshops that revolved around group therapy.

I started realizing that I, and the circumstances in my life my life, weren’t going to just magically change. I had to do the work.

So today, in honor of mental health awareness month, I can look back at that picture and not feel shame or judgement- but gratitude at how far I’ve come. Again, you only knew what you knew. And our bodies are made to last in survival mode for a while!

If you find yourself in a moment that just doesn’t feel right, maybe sleeping far too much, rarely smiling, your gut clenched, your brain on hyper overdrive, trying to fix everything, and pretending you’re ok-

STOP

Get OFF the wheel.

Take the next right step. I would love to chat if you have any questions about my journey at taylorbashta@gmail.com.

Therapy is a great place to start. Asking someone who you trust to mirror you and your life- basically asking “do you see what I see”. Admitting you’d like help is the bravest thing to do. We aren’t meant to be superheroes for too long. It IS safe to talk about.

And forgiveness for what you didn’t know. Or what you couldn’t do- yet.

I believe in you. Take the next right step!