The Great Avoider
Enneagram 9
I’m an enneagram 9. If you haven’t heard about the enneagram, there are about 1000 websites now devoted to the study of it. And If you don’t know you’re number, look up a quiz to find out what number you are. I like the Enneagram Institute.
9’s are peacemakers. That’s our thing. We don’t like anything to disrupt our peace and harmony, and that can mean avoiding things that are unpleasant. That’s me. When we first got married, I missed paying a water bill once, and kinda knew I missed it, but just avoided dealing with it. Guess what- one day the water wasn’t on anymore. Another time I bought shoes that were too big. They sat looking at me on my kitchen table for two months, just because I avoided dealing with printing out the return label and all of that “hard” stuff. I avoided it so long, the 60 days was up when I finally tried to return them.
I will just take something that is unpleasant (a bill I know I need to call about, a closet I need to organize, a conversation that needs to happen etc.) and slide it right to the back of my mind. I do know this about myself and it’s something I’m facing and working on. But this also bleeds into accomplishing goals. Or more honestly, believing that I can accomplish the goals. I can self doubt and think of every reason why something might not work.
Last February, a therapist told me I needed to begin thinking of things I had always wanted to do. At first, it was hard for me to even think of what I wanted to do- after 4 kids in 5 years- it was hard to see past that phase of life. But he encouraged me to stop focusing on what I thought others were doing wrong (we were going through a bumpy marriage season and I was playing the blame game for sure), and begin moving forward towards things that would be fulfilling to me. I set two goals.
I wanted to get certified as a personal trainer and begin working. And I wanted to start a wellness website. Both seemed huge to me. I thought of every reason why these goals would be hard or might fail. And I put them off for another 4 months.
That therapist was so right. He told me I would almost feel a high from pursuing something that meant a lot to me, something I was passionate about.
Fast forward- I purchased my certification course in June, studied for 4 months, and passed in October! I started training in a gym in November! My dear roommate from college started working with me on this website. It was slow going, as I really dreamed about what I wanted it to be. I’m sure she wondered at times if I would actually get back to her with the content and direction I wanted to go. But again, self doubt creeped in and I thought- who wants to read all this. But I moved forward and we finally finished it this month!
I know things I will try might fail. But I’m having to just be ok and walk forward anyway. And I do feel so much happiness and satisfaction!
I don’t know if this resonates with anyone. But it boils down to this…
If you find yourself stuck. If you are doubting every move you want to make. You really really want to make that jump- but all you can see is every reason it might fail. Do it anyway! Take the first step. It’s for YOU! It will take the focus off some things you might not be able to control- and gives you the reigns for something that could bring you amazing joy. Stop Avoiding!
Thankfully our marriage bumps are much smoother and we have done a LOT of work to get there (more on that later). And Daniel recently told me how sexy it was to see me living my dreams and going after some things I’ve always wanted too. But even if he didn’t say that- I would have the personal satisfaction of a goal accomplished.
In the words of Nike- Just do it! This is the card my daughter made my while the day I took my certification exam. I’ll keep it forever!
